Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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