She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
