I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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