you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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