no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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