Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
