Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
