I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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