The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
