Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
