He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
