i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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