They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
