do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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