I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
