I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
