The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
