Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
