okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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