Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
so much tequila, so little girl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
