Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
