Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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