I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
