he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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