I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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