If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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