Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
