my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you win again, gameday.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
