Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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