it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
