God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
