sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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