i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
