She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
