Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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