I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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