i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
