i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
