well you can't waste a boner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
