He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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