hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
