I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
