I puked a lego.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
