I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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