what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
