when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
