You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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