I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
