How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
