Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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