you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
