so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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