I can tuck mytits in my pants
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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