ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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