At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
