my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
