The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
