MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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