I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize