So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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