M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
