The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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