she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
