I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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