I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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