I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
