I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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