i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
