I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
