someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
