We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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